I'm down HERE!

Really sad

Link: Mel Gibson Under Fire - Yahoo! News.

Ok, so I understand that ThePassion offended a lot of people.  It probably did not offend me because I bring no knowledge or baggage to the issue. In my sheltered life, I have seen nothing but peace between Catholics, Protestants and Jews...and I've known lots of each, including being raised one (P).

I've thought Mel Gibson to be a hardliner in his faith...and while I wouldnt aspire to those beliefs, I admired his commitment...and I didnt see him harm anyone in the process of exercising his faith.

I think his history of alcoholism is sad, it must be a painful existence...fame and luxury or not.  An outburst such as his is pathetic and humiliating...and not good for anyone, to be sure.

But saying stupid or otherwise hurtful things when one is undeniably drunk should NOT be confused with one's true thoughts.  They might be his true thoughts, none of us will likely EVER know.  But to make some public claim that he has now shown his true colors is simply inciting drama.  He made a pathetic and humiliating MISTAKE.

I find it even more deplorable that celebrities would jump on this fallen man, take the far too easy ride on his sorry back.  Protest his words, YES...but that's it.  I dont think any person who throws such stones deserves a place on those loud pedestals.

Again, I dont know his beliefs.  He says he is not an anti-semite.  Anti-semitism aside, those do not sound like the 10-commandment-following man he has usually shown himself to be.  I dont believe those slurs are truly reflective of his feelings (whatever they may be). For me, its as easy to believe him as not...so why not take the more peaceful, higher road? 

He has issued a strong apology and mea culpa.  Perhaps it WAS engineered by his publicist, who knows.  But what else could be done?  If you dont like it...offer an alternative.  What do they want to see??  Nothing...they just want to condemn him.  What good does this serve? 

There are so many better ways to further your cause, increase awareness and fight evil than to kick a man when he is down...even if -as is no more than debatable- he IS anti-semetic!

Clearly Mel Gibson hurt TheMelGibsonCause.  And beyond his statement, I hope he apologized directly to the people he abused at the incident.  He has tried to apologize to the public...people will accept or not.  But I'll tell you that I now feel a WHOLE lot less supportive to the Abraham H. Foxman, Ari Gold and Nora Ephron causes (all of which I theoretically liked).  Who next?  Is M.A.D.D. going to wage a campaign because he was drinking and driving?

home again, home again

Baby did a brilliant job for the almost 20 hours we drove in the last 3 days.  Equally impressive were all of my inlaws.  We are EXTREMELY worried about Reusker's mother...who is really going downhill.  I've never known someone so lazy or inclined to go on about worthless stuff (the pattern on the china she had no business buying).  I worry about her and feel very, very sorry for her...she lives a really pathetic and childish life and it can not be fun to feel that bad about one's self.  She really did a nice job while we were there.  I think the focus was more on the baby than her...which she disliked, but she took it well.  She was a gracious hostess and really tried to put on a good front for everyone.  She also didnt ask for money, which made me want to leave a little for her.

Both of Reusker's grandmothers (Baby's GREAT grandmothers!) were doing well.  MoMo, the perennial whiner, was unusually cheerful.  She still pulled tons of martyr crap (ie. cooking a lot, even though she KNEW we'd only be there long enough to take her out, then bemoaning her effort - with a sore back, of course).  His paternal grandmother didnt even know who we were, but she loved playing with Baby.

The driving was long, but it got us out of our world for a weekend...gave me and Reusker time to talk, and he did a little programming on the drive (something he doesnt get to do now that he is an executive).

It was a much better weekend than I anticipated.  It gave me the ability to have a more serene attitude about going to Maine.  I am going to work on just "accepting" and not caring what shit people bring to us.  That whole "surrender" thing has never come easily to me...but I'm ready to renew the effort.

I'm a real shit

I just realized that I misread someone's blog.  You know who you are, and I have already apologized profusely (and very sincerely).  I took a really nice, genuine post as sarcastic. And in my zeal to support her, I said something mean about someone else.  Not to sound like Dr.Phil or anything, but I think part of it came from my own frustrations, when I was in the same position.  I received some "gifts" that were unnecessary, unpleasant, and with too many expectations and strings attached.  Then I was hounded with other people's expectations of how I would thank them, or display some ugly thing.  This is a fairly universal experience I have heard from others in the same position, but it doesnt mean everyone has this experience.  And I really should just learn to keep my trap shut (yes, I know...how many times do I have to learn this lesson?  but you SHOULD know that the very people who would be first to "ha ha" are also the ones I have thought had some learnin' to do themselves). 

So anyways...this was another great event in a shitty day (see earlier post).  I really AM trying here.  I am trying to be good, trying to be nice, trying to be calm and "let the universe talk to me."  All this Charismatic Christianity around me has made me read more of my beloved Buddhism books of all different flavors.  It so clearly defines places I can work...rather than hypocritically telling me Gawd wants me to do, as if any human really knows.  Oops, so much for keeping my trap shut, huh?

Sorry Dr.Phil, today I am blaming my collective family for this...they've ruined my day again.  I really feel they have let us down all over the place.  Its mostly the people in Maine I am frustrated with...no, wait, I'd even say HURT.  But tomorrow we drive all weekend for what -I am relatively sure- will be a series of discussions about how unhappy we have left everyone in Indiana.  Forget the hours of driving a baby around to see them, the money we give them, taking them out, and all the things that we wont get done at home or even a chance to sleep...I just dread this weekend.  I'm tired to trying to take care of everyone and getting hurt.  I.WANT.OUT

So I'm in a bad place today...deal with it.  I'm being a shit.  Frankly being TheGoodGirl doesnt fare well, either.  Screw off...I'm gonna be bitter all day.  I'm just going to stay home and play with my favorite person on this whole earth (even if he DID shit on the white carpet this morning...grossest thing I've ever seen).

Ah the negative family drama.

Well, I'm hoping this little rant will make me feel better.  Here's the deal: I want to go home to Maine for a little while.  Its hot here, Reusker needs to work a lot, I want my son to see the beach and his grandparents...but most of all I want to hang with my girlfriends.  What I do not have the patience for is our stinkin' families.

The families have been bugging the hell out of me.  Reusker's dad is throwing some psycho-overboard surprise party for his wife (yes, Reusker's evil step mother...and I dont use the word evil lightly here).  They really think HER birthday is central to our lives.  I've mentioned it here before...I get the daily low-down on caterers, music, etc.  But when I ask if we can stay at their 4-bedroom home...they dont have room for us, not for their own son and grandson who are coming out from Tennessee in time to kiss StepMom's ass.  No room. No good.  I guess we're staying 2 hours south, with my mom in Portland.

I am actually DRIVING out. Baby is hard to fly with and we'll be there long enough to justify it.  My mom is the only tolerable family, and even that has limits.  Her house is small, so we have been working VERY hard to find a rental.  Yup, a rental on the Maine coast in summer.  Are you kidding?  Well, we struck gold.  We found a cheap apartment very close to the beach...amazing.  Its cheap by Maine standards, but still $1K for two weeks...basically our whole vacation budget for a long time!  But this way Reusker can work to his heart's content, we'll satisfy family, and I hope to see LOTS of my girlfriends and the beach.

So I ask my brother (also invited to the party from hell) if he is going.  It turns out he is having his BigSummerBash the very same day!  I am so bummed...he knows I love his party, he knows we'll be there...and that is the only day we're busy!  What the hell?  And he didnt even TELL or invite me!  Little shit!

I hear there is a good concert in town, near my inlaws home up north (convenient to nothing, BTW...what is this concert doing there?).  So I ask my sister in law (Pam) if she and her husband want to go with us.  I mention that we both need to worry about childcare, and since its a surprise party I doubt her dad can help.  Further, she is really poor, so we were planning to get the tickets for them, but I dont want to pay for babysitting on top of that.  She asks her dad to care for HER two kids, but not mine!  Well, glad everyone is taking care of HER!  She then tries to explain that I should leave Baby in Portland (2 hours away), or perhaps her dad's neighbor (whom I dont know). 

So let me get this straight:  we're buying your tickets, you took the only babysitting available, and you want us to drive UP for the concert, back to Portland that night, then BACK up for the party?  Bullshit.  Forget it, sista...no concert.

And none of this even approaches the dilemma with my father.  Yes, you remember the dillhole who has come to see his grandson a grand total of THREE HOURS of Baby's first year of life! Basically, the only way he'll see any of us is if we come to his doorstep.  sure, that's no problem...we only live 1300 miles away...thanks.  But I *know* he'll hear we are there and be VERY hurt that we didnt come to his doorstep...how could we be so close and not see him?  Frankly, I just wish the whole issue would go away.  What do I owe this man, really?  Nothing...nor do I want to set my son up for all the disappointment I know this guy delivers.  I really have worked SO SO SO hard to open the door to him and let him be a part of our lives.  I have embraced his psycho wife, played doting half-sister to the only child he's ever really loved, done everything I could do help my dad succeed with us.  And he just takes.  I just cant give more...but do I hide for the three weeks we will be in Maine?  I really dont deserve this, I feel defensive.  He will be hurt, and he whines to the whole family...I dont want the drama. 

OK, I'll deal with that later.  Tomorrow we drive to my OTHER inlaws:  Reusker's mom (Lala) and grandmothers (MoMo and Grandma).  Lala is obsessed with decorating...and her style is wretched, but its all she cares out.  She has whined that we havent come to gawk at her decorated condo (this is where she spend the money she "borrowed" from Reusker).  Mostly, my husband just cant deal with his mom. I dont blame him...neither of his parents have ever cared about him as much as themselves (true of 3 of our 4 parents, how sad).  But, we're trying.  I tell her we will be driving the 6 hours north to see her.  She says "fine" and is "willing" to have us at her place.  Come on, bitch...I'm MUCH happier staying at home...dont let us put you out!  Besides, I know all you're really looking forward to is getting us to take you out for every meal!  Luckily MoMo -who is usually a really depressing person- was excited and enthusiastic.  That was a ray of sunshine...something we rarely see in her.  Good.  Now it sounds as if they caught the highway sniper, so we are on our way...wish us luck!

Can ya handle it?

I'm pretty sure JB will piss off someone with his blog: The Bitching Post.  I'd particularly like to send the raging conservatives and my preacher neighbors there...

Protectionism Rant

Yeah, I'm a posting WIZARD today.  What that really means is that I cant seem to get traction on my day...I'm spinning my wheels, and this wastes valuable time.  There.

But, as I ponder the useless for a little while longer, I found this.  Does this seem senseless to anyone else?  Can someone explain what I am missing on this one?  Anyone who has taken the most elementary ECONOMICS (and -believe me- its not my strong suit) knows that absolutely unhindered free trade lifts everyone's economy.  If everyone does what they do best, there is more (and cheaper) stuff for everyone...dont waste your resources (including taxes) on things you arent good at, or someone else does better (read: buy, if that's more efficient than making).

Ok, I guess that's only theoretical.  But let's look at subsidies.  Really, what that means is that American farmers are unable -even in their own country!- to successfully compete. 

Now I come from a state that truly believes in subsidies.  Maine has LONG been unable to compete in the paper-products industry, and they rely on massive government funds to keep people working and the machinery of the giant plants moving.

But essentially the funds prevent those people from developing USEFUL skills.  Play this out a decade...when we cant afford to pay them to do inefficient or unneeded roles.  What skills do they then have?  How much money have we wasted by keeping them uselessly moving around for 10 years? 

AND in the meantime, we have essentially encouraged (through an un-natural selection) our competitors to develop better methods and/or products.  AND we have paid for all of this with our taxes (state or federal) that could have gone to re-education, technological advances or even a better welfare system!  AND the products available to us as citizens are more expensive than they need to be!

What a great deal, huh?  Protectionism (something I've long despised about China and Japan, and it wont/hasnt work for them, either): it gives us more expensive, lower quality products, higher taxes and almost no innovation.  COME ON PEOPLE!  Cut the cord and make our society evolve.  If we cant do it best then give us access to those who can, and re-route our resources to innovating a successful product!

I know some people will suffer...that is always implicit in a selection process...jobs WILL be lost, hopefully only temporarily. Change is painful. 

And I know I dont like the cheap, foreign-made crap in the Dollar Stores.  But here's the deal: WE VOTE WITH OUR DOLLARS.  If I buy cheap crap, I am supporting it...and I must have some need for it.  Well, that isnt entirely true, but you get my point.

On the other hand, I buy local organic produce.  It is much more expensive.  For me, it is valuable to support my community and I want to know where my food comes from.  I know it is the most nutritious, safest food reasonably available to me...and I will pay a premium for it.  Apparently I am not alone, as this (small) section of the farming industry is thriving.  Perhaps that is a message to BigBusinessFarming?  Get in touch with the people, the land.  I know...easy for me to say.  I dont have millions in heavy equipment, debt and overhead.  But that was their business error, as an industrial society we need to evolve and have a bit more agility.  (again, easy for me to say)

Lest you think I'm pulling a NIMBY, Reusker's business has seen this.  His software development company suffered SEVERELY when jobs went to India.  The fact is, his company couldnt do the job as well.  Actually, all those people are now coming back...but that's the wave of change.  Either you are fit enough to survive (and deliver what the people want) or you drown.  Its the benefit of a free trade, a market economy, democrazy and economics.  You'd think it would be an American value, wouldnt you?

Heartless though it might sound, I really think that is how is SHOULD be an American value.  These expensive liferafts arent serving anyone well in the long run.  The US government is really sucking out on this one.

Blogs.

I did a rare sweep of my friends' blogs (rare, in that I hate reading and dont visit y'all enough) this morning.

Of the 10 I visit...only 4 of them had a new post...and its been that way for days. 

Am I the ONLY one with no life??  C'mon people...its a big statement if *I* am caught up on blog reading!

Waving.

So I know its nothing brilliant, but I just realized one (possible) reason for Baby's absolute DELIGHT in waving (at people, at inanimate objects...you name it).

This is his first real "discourse" with the world!

Sure, I *eventually* get when he wants to eat, drink, be changed, needs a nap, etc.  But its not because he comes out and tells me (although rubbing his eyes or stinking up the room are pretty clear signals!).  More than half the time its just an intuitive thing...and I dont think he has intention in anything beyond his indecipherable cries.  So there he is...crying, and nobody understands EXACTLY what he means.  The rest of the time we talk, we smile...but neither of us really understands each other.  And *I* understand him better than anyone else in the world!

Enter: waving.  Baby can "speak" to the outside world now!  Even total strangers know what he is saying.  Come to think of it, I doubt BABY knows exactly what he is saying...but he gets interaction.  He gets some control and a definitive response.  How cool is that?  He waves, he often gets a wave (OK, not from the trash can, but he's still trying!).  He gets smiles from total strangers, and they *seem* to speak his language on this one.

I would be giddy, too...a first real communication with The World.  "Are you there world?" It really is pretty damned cool!  (even if the staircase isnt answering YET)

So I know its nothing brilliant, but I just realized one (possible) reason for Baby's absolute DELIGHT in waving (at people, at inanimate objects...you name it).

This is his first real "discourse" with the world!

Sure, I *eventually* get when he wants to eat, drink, be changed, needs a nap, etc.  But its not because he comes out and tells me (although rubbing his eyes or stinking up the room are pretty clear signals!).  More than half the time its just an intuitive thing...and I dont think he has intention in anything beyond his indecipherable cries.  So there he is...crying, and nobody understands EXACTLY what he means.  The rest of the time we talk, we smile...but neither of us really understands each other.  And *I* understand him better than anyone else in the world!

Enter: waving.  Baby can "speak" to the outside world now!  Even total strangers know what he is saying.  Come to think of it, I doubt BABY knows exactly what he is saying...but he gets interaction.  He gets some control and a definitive response.  How cool is that?  He waves, he often gets a wave (OK, not from the trash can, but he's still trying!).  He gets smiles from total strangers, and they *seem* to speak his language on this one.

I would be giddy, too...a first real communication with The World.  "Are you there world?" It really is pretty damned cool!  (even if the staircase isnt answering YET)

This shit scares me.

It makes me COUGH.  Can someone please tell those idiots over at EPA what the P stands for?

Link: Scientists group fears more pollution - Yahoo! News.

'Cause you're jonesing, arent ya?

Ok, I know my legions of devoted readers are DYING to hear another bitty about how my inlaws are driving me up the wall.  I hear you, oh faithful...I shall deliver.

really, it the BPOIG (big picture of inlaw gripes), I have little to bitch about.  my inlaws are sufficiently occupied by their lives, their projects.  The good news, is that keeps them out of OUR lives.  The bad news...I have to pretend to be interested, to be their best friends.

For starters, I was raised that my parents are my parents...not my best friends.  It goes both ways, now that I am an adult (arguably, but that's my story and I'm sticking to it).  I do not wish to be ANY of my parents' best friend.  This has been an issue with both of my own parents (my dad thinking we are peers in parenthood, because my half brother is all of 6, and my mom processing her schedule and happenings on me).  But dont you think its insane that my inlaws look to ME for bestfriendhood?  I mean, these are the same ones that have (each) tried to do me in on other occasions!!!  What are they thinking?

My father in law is throwing a HUGE suprise gala for my step-mother-in-law's 60th birthday.  He is getting giant tent, band, comedian and someone is roasting her.  Essentially, this is bigger than our wedding (yes, the wedding they said was too much and also made us change the date TWICE).  He doesnt understand why this isnt the absolute center of our universe.  He doesnt understand why I am disappointed they cancelled their trip out here to see their grandson...all because the party has become too much.  Every day he IMs me to tell me about his secretive phone calls and new ideas.  This, from the guy who owes my husband (his son) $20K that he is perpetually too broke to repay...ditto for his daughter's student loans.  But no holds barred on the wife.  And what did she do for him?  Nada.  But...that is between them.  I just wish I'd stop getting hourly updates.  I do NOT wish to be his confidante on the inside track!

Now Reusker's mother, #2.  Anyone who has the stamina to keep reading here knows the headache she has been.  We have just given her the last of the $3K we are willing to lend her (instead of starting Baby's college fund)...while she also collects unemployment!  She STILL hasnt sold her condo, hasnt tried looking for a job.  But, we all *knew* that was how it would go down, didnt we?  Well, not Reusker.  He really needed this chance to believe in his mom...and he's taking the disappointment in stride.  She has just sent me an email, saying she is ONLY telling me her secrets.  First, I dont even WANT them!  Leave me out!  Second, I know this is because Reusker and his sister wont approve, and she is trying to put me on her side...against my own husband.  Is she mad?  Yes.

Hey, take a look at my condo.  After 7 months, I FINALLY have a MLS number.  OK.  Do I care?  no.  Do I have to feign interest, or hear through the family grapevine that Meg doesnt like her?  Shit.  Then she goes on about how she doesnt want to move in with her daughter.  Yes, the daughter who is giving her free room and board.  The daughter who needs help as she is having her third child.  My MIL is selling all her mom's stuff to make room for storing HER things!  We thought G'ma was moving to elderly housing, but apparently not...she's keeping the house to store MIL's crap, after G'ma's stuff is consigned.  MIL has been wretched to her mom, but is now using her to avoid moving to her daughter's.  She claims she just *couldnt* leave her mom.  Oh, its so hard to choose between your mother and your daughter (read: which one shall I freeload off?).  She hates her mom, will not live with her mom, and wont help her.  She simply doesnt want to move.  I know in her mind, she is wondering where she will have the least work and most freeloading.  And she wants ME to conspire with her?  Leave me the hell out of it!

These people are truly comical.  I try to love them, try to stay away from them.  Its a mess.  I feel SO bad for Reusker...what a bad lot.  Sure, I have one of the sorriest excuses for a father, but I have a cool (if whacky) mom.  At least Reusker have each other...despite what you've been reading (here).

On the other side of the coin, I want to thank the servicemen who have come to my house today.  YES, they serviced the HOME, not me.  The young Truly Nolan man gave us an inspection, and I think he might have flirted with me.  Again, that's my story and I kinda need to stick to it.  I'm hoping I just never notice it, but I suspect I am no long flirt-worthy, so this guy made my day...and told me our basement was dry.

Now the AC inspector is out there sweating his ever-loving tail off.  Our unit is working fine, I'm not sure what he is doing.  But, its part of regular maintenance, and the sweet soul is working hard in VERY hot weather (almost 100 in the SHADE).  I've offered ice water, and will offer one of the chocolate chip cookies I just made...and I'm sure he'll decline.  I just want to hug him (and he's ugly and VERY sweaty right now)...I appreciate his work ethic.  For all I know he's breaking the thing, but I believe he is earnest.  I wonder if he wants to join our extended family, it could REALLY use some earnestness!