I'm down HERE!

Happy Halloween

 

What's up?

I'm truly not of the local ilk on this point...but I *have* noticed that we are in a more prestigious part of town.  Coming from Maine, it was not hard to do...Nashville living is much less expensive.  And while we havent kept up our yard to its potential (b.a.b.y.), we have no cares about "keeping up with the Joneses."  Apparently the locally prestigious "Yard of the Month" sign was on our front lawn every month for the last two years...until the day Reusker and I moved in!  And that actually means something to some people around here.  Fine.  I dont really care.  It creeps me out that one of my neighbors actually know our comings and goings...GET A LIFE!

But at the same time, there is a certain security in living in a VERY safe place...its perfect for raising a family, and to avoid isolation as a stay at home mom in a new place.  Those are the ONLY reasons Reusker and I would live in suburbia.

But chaos has entered our neighborhood.  And I dont mean ME moving here...although we seem to be in the center of it.  For starters, our neighbors to the left are just losers...period.  They are hicks, by their own admission.  Reusker jokingly suspects that they run a meth lab out of their garage...how else could "those types" afford the boats, ATVs, Cadillac SUVs, and large home under continuous renovation?  Now I dislike Reusker's snobbiness...but I know what informs it, I'm not blind.  But, I had a "live and let live" feeling about them.  So they arent friendly, that's fine...as long as they dont bother us.

Saturday night they had their trucks -doors open- BLARING country music at 2am!  Its always like a monster truck rally outside our bedroom window, but last night they were having a tailgate party!  And I made a point to introduce myself, tell them the driveway is loud to us (but that I know they need to drive, if fast and diesel), but start things on a friendly note.  They KNOW its beside our bedroom.  They KNOW we have a infant sleeping there (not that THAT part is their problem).  They must have known it was 2am and LOUD.  I was so upset.  But Reusker -the guy who almost went postal when they parked their ATVs on our lawn- thought I should chill out, so I tried some "neighborly understanding."

Then last night our very nice neighbors to our right must have had some trauma.  We were awoken at 4am by an ambulance outside their home.  I really like this young family, they were kind about introducing themselves and offering to help when we had the baby.  I have been extremely concerned, and want to help...but want to respect their privacy and stay out of their business (a more Maine trait than southern).  I dont want them to have to explain what happened, its NONE of my business.  But, I also want to offer any help I can provide...babysitting, grocery errands, whatever.  So, I decided to just leave a note on their front door.  I'm really worried about them.

So, maybe I've become that neighbor that peers out her window to spy on my neighbors...but who wouldnt look under these scenarios?  Please kill me if I am really becoming one of Those Types (nosey or noisey)!  But lately this neighborhood has all the action we were trying to avoid.  And this is why we paid for a "better area" of town?  (not that our little suburb has ANY bad area)

me

I'm writing a blog for Baby...and its all about him.  Here, its all about me. 

And how IS meg, you ask? 

The glands in my throat are swollen.  And my fingers are swollen (hard to type).  My joints hurt.

I need to sleep...all over again.  And, for all my whining (and it just appeared to me that I might actually have a real whine going!)...I'd rather just watch Pickle.  He is intoxicating to me...its frightening. 

I really am a different person than two months ago.  (you shoulda seen me exactly two months ago-9 months pregnant in 100' heat and franticly moving into a new, chaotic home in a strange land!)  But what I mean is that I changed when I had Pickle.  I am not entirely sure if it was part of the labor & delivery, or becoming a mother.  Of course, everyone would say its becoming a mother.  But, to me, it feels so ORGANIC that I almost wonder if my hormones did a switch-a-roo (baby talk there, sorry) in the delivery process.  Technically I know THAT is true as well (see lactation, etc).  I just know I am different, never to return to that old person.  It makes me feel like the biggest cliche in the world (beyond the minivans of suburbia even)...and yet it makes me so happy I could scream. 

Life FINALLY makes sense to me.  My little life, at least. That makes for a boring blog...less drama, less turbulence, less worries.  Things just dont bother me like they used to.  It makes for a profound sense of vulnerability, but also sincere loving, melodramatic verbiage, and euphoria (none of which make for a great read, I know).  Its like I am on a really cool, mellow drug trip where the world finally works. 

I always needed to bang into things (sometimes literally!) and situations...that was how I could FEEL.  I hear this is what A.D.D. is like, although I have little of that one, particular affliction (but many VERY close to me do...so I learn in their experiences).  For about 6 months after my injury, I had MANY of the ADD symptoms...but I'm back to my more laser-focused, compulsive self again (condolences to my husband!).  Anyways, I guess I'm an experiential learner...

Reusker can read or intellectualize his way to great heights...it amazes me.  He "deduced" how to go from a lady-less, career-driven computer geek to a successful, married father...all because that was his goal...even though he had little good relationship experience (even had lame parents!).  Not me.  I had to kiss a thousand toads.  I had to fight, love, collide, and smoke...actually DO all the good and bad parts of growing up.  I always had to take the more painful way to learn.

But -truly ALL OF A SUDDEN- there is this unknown peace.  If I think too much about it, it is almost eerie:  leaving me to wonder when the (previously inevitable) "other shoe" will drop.  But, when I am carefree and appreciative enough to believe that I might just deserve this peace...its delightful.  It is beyond my ability to understand that everything I need in the entire world in Right.Here.  I have it all. 

As one who always struggled, saw the cup as half empty, and learned perfectionism by concentrating on what wasnt good enough (in both myself and my surroundings)...this is a strange and beautiful new world to me.  Where I would have previously felt empty, the exact same places leave me full.  Its like I am floating.

Please dont let me come down.

(see what I mean about melodramatic verbiage?  I'm telling you, hormones can be some of the best drugs around!! and I know of what I speak!)

My heart and soul...

Turned an amazing EIGHT WEEKS OLD today.  This is a sweater my cousin, Mae, knit for Pickle.

What happened to that agreement that he  a.) would never get any older and b.) never get sick?  What, me...delusional?  At least he doesnt have a southern accent yet!!

I love him, but...

I am ready to KILL my dear husband.  Ok, so he's way overworked lately (like I'm not?)...with operations out of whack in Wilma-hit Florida, where his company is headquartered, and him being the Chief Information Officer (read: head computer geek).  But why can he lead a big corporation, be fully functional at work...and useless when I need him?  C'mon!

We put some baby photos on the internet for family.  My one condition: remove the graphic birth photos, the titty breastfeeding photos, and hide any scrotum shots of our new son.  Reasonable, dont you think (except for the daring nude amoung my few readers!)? 

I just read a comment on Pickle's blog (yes, he has his own to keep my far away family up to date on his every BM - which is the highlight of parenthood, I will proudly tell you).  Apparently there are several areola-plus shots that we've sent out to the entire extended family...and well as a back shot of Pickle being held by his feet during a changing (read: ALL BALLS!).  Yup, I shrieked to Reusker to GET THOSE DONE...NOW!

Its not enough that the guy leaves kitchenware all over the house...I swear, every cup he can get his hands on needs retrieving.  Every cloth associated with the baby (burp rags, swaddling blankets, cloth diapers, clothes) never quite makes it to a useful place (bureau or laundry basket)...he seems to think we need them IN the couch?  And now this?

Poor guy is losing his mind, but he's taking mine down with him...

Very tired...

OK, here is the newest person on my hit list:  almost every grocery store clerk at our nearby Kroger.  Today, the dolt sat there putting stickers on this (admittedly adorable) young boy.  Didnt she SEE the long line of people waiting to get out of there, our ice cream melting?  Did she not hear the ominous coos of my son reaching the end of his tolerance?  And did she miss my loud, passive-aggressive sighing? 

C'mon, I know things move a little slower in the south.  Sure, the uptight Northerner could use a little slowing-down and chilling out...but THIS?

Its not enough that I consistently bag my own groceries because y'all want to engage me in mindless shit-shooting rather than actually WORK.  I smile and make nice...but please dont confuse that with any kind of permission to waste my entire day and very.last.nerve.

On a good note...made two kick-ass soups tonight.  let me preface by saying I solidly refuse to ever use recipes...dont believe in them unless is for breads of most kinds.  Beyond that, common sense, a willingness to fail, great sense of smell, and trial and error suffice.  So...The tortilla soup is a breeze, if I Hit it right...and I did.  Then I made a bison-meat stew with fall vegatables.  Its a standard stew, hard to mess up, although I wish I'd gotten more bison.  It was on sale at WildOats (we're trying to do organic animal products -meat & dairy- because of breastfeeding and avoiding dioxins).  Oh, I'm having a GREAT time filling up my new freezer.  How Ms.Suburbia have I become that one of my biggest dreams in home-ownership was having a standing deep-freezer in my garage?  Yup...got it, and I'm so happy.  I've half filled it, and plan to do more pies soon...(I know, I know...get a life).

And who is this PezHead who DARES to call himself my conscience?  (hi jeff...)

Pajamas at noon

Tired.  Angry, awake baby.  I dont feel like moving.  Got mother-in-law's birthday present done, 2 weeks early.  Now, about my sister-in-law...birthday in August, and we STILL havent sent a present.  I am so lame...but also distracted, with TONS to do.

I should write about what's on my mind.  What IS on my mind?  Shit...its empty. 

I need either a wife or a secretary.  My husband has both...but I have all the work in our lives (beyond that small matter of bringing home the money!).  So much I should get done, yet I'm moving at a glacier's pace... (and none too exciting to read, either, I know) 

Reusker mentioned getting "some help"...but I dont know where to ask for help.  We could get a post-partum doula to help me with mom stuff, but that's my favorite stuff around here! Besides, I really only need help when he's screaming...and that's pretty hard to schedule in advance (what a dream THAT would be!).  All the rest of my tasks are small stuff, tons of small things  I need to do.  Maybe a cleaning lady...but not until there is something more than piles of boxes to clean around (still, that floor looks filthy to me)

Why didnt I have a blog when there was something INTERESTING to write about (and energy to do it)?  Travelling husband, pregnancy ups and downs, cross-country moves, losing a home as we were moving into it, buy a home and moving in the day labor started.  Now its VERY dull.  DOnt get my wrong...this is the happiest I have EVER been...but its not blog-worthy.  I forgot about feeling guilt about writing dull posts (and yet, I keep writing and writing in this one...its the world's longest blather).

tired but happy

My best friend came for the weekend, and we had TheBest time!  Seeing Stacy makes me feel homesick...but it was worth it.  Now we are all tired, and trying to return to normal (as if we have ANY idea what that is!).  Tonight Camden had a few fits of absolute SCREAMS.  Who knows...I assume its gas.  He has no temperature, it goes as quickly as it comes, and nothing we know to do works.  Most of all, I just dont want him suffering...and there is little I can do.  He doesnt have a temperature, and we gave him a little mylicon (anti-gas).  As much as I am against giving him drugs, I dont want him in pain.

A note to do-gooders:  if you are going to send a gift, dont immediately turn around and ask the new parents where the ThankYou note is!  C'mon...I told everyone we didnt need a thing (Reusker's sister has been very generous).  Still, its touching that people are thinking of us.  I was ignorant enough to never-ever send a baby gift...I didnt know it was a normal gesture to do (duh!).  So, imagine my surprise, as no less than 3 dozen packages have shown up in the last 8 weeks!  Holy cow!  Talk about undeserving...that's us!  But, Baby appreciates it...even if it takes his mom a while to thank everyone.

Because people have been so considerate, I didnt want to write the standard note.  Forget that I dont even have time to shower...Meg decides that she is going to photograph Baby with each present and MAKE the ThankYou card.  Yup, I'm insane.  And they are all late, but they are getting done.  But I am pissed that Someone (exactly as she did after our wedding) called Reusker's GRANDMOTHER to ask where the thanks was.  Here are my specific complaints:

• You sent a lousy $25 check to my son....and think I should drop everything in my life to kiss your ass.
• The money is for my son.  The check is made out to my husband.  And *I* get stuck writing  the thank you note!  Normally I wouldnt care, but Reusker's side of the family wouldnt DREAM of asking their son to do it.
• You dont say anything to ME, but to my grandmother-in-law.  This gets ME a nosey "I dont mean to be rude" inquisition...and how should I handle this?  Apparently better than I did.
• I mentioned the gift on the birth announcement and said the ThankYou note would be going out SOON.
• We didnt want a gift in the first place!  Basically, you mailed an OBLIGATION to me.

I am seriously considering NOT writing.  My mother always said to count on not receiving gifts from people you dont thank.  If I thought that were the case, I wouldnt write.  But, in this case, I'm pretty sure I'd just be buying more headache.  I might as well just skip breakfast tomorrow to get this issue off my back...but how much is this helping my (nursing) son?

Where am I?

We have had so many comings and goings around here...I'm dazed and confused!  Tuesday, EricH surprised us with a visit on his way north from the gulf...just called and said he'd swing by (normally a long commute from Maine!).  I convinced him to spend the night, and we all visited a brewpub in Nashville for dinner.  He left yesterday morning, Camden and I slept the day away...making up for the long, sleepless night.  This morning, my husband (Reusker) left for Miami sometime around 5am.  Around 10:30am, my father arrived for the day.  He flew all the way from Maine, but could only stay for about 5 hours.  I just took him back to the airport.  Reusker comes back home around 8pm tonight...and Stacy comes the day after tomorrow.  Pickle and I have *loved* having all this company...its very exciting.  He was smart enough to settle into a brief nap, but I had to set up my new blog...

I havent yet decided whom I will let read this blog, so I'm not sure how much of the dirt I'm posting.  Read:  this may be dull or REALLY dull...we'll see.  You can count on it being as self-indulgent as I have ever been!